Sex on the first date? Should you or shouldn’t you? I remember watching the show Girlfriends a long time ago, and the star Joan had a three month rule.  A guy had to date her, court her, for three months to prove that he’s worthy of the punany.  I would think by the end of three months, the interest would probably subside especially for a guy. If a woman asked or told me I had to wait for three months before we could be intimate, I just wouldn’t call her until the three months is up! Ok, I’m kidding.

There have been numerous studies on how sex affects one’s view of a person. If the woman would be thought of as “easy” or “trife”. The conclusion? It’s unclear whether sex on the first date will ruin your chances for a relationship. The ideas about sex on the first date vary from person to person, or maybe more clearly from generation to generation. Even though the results are inconclusive, the majority of heterosexual society believes that the guy should court the girl, and if she’s a nice girl she’ll make him wait it out. They call it being old fashioned. Sounds a little barbaric to me.

Maybe the “no sex on the first date” theory only applies to straight people especially since all the research is geared toward that. I believe it has a lot to do with shallow men who take you out for the sole purpose of having sex at the end of the night. Recall the comediennes such as Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor saying that if they spend a lot of money on dinner sex is expected in return. Isn’t that prostitution? No wonder why America has such a hang up on sex on the first date. They made it taboo. If you do it you’re a prostitute, but then again if you don’t you’re a tease. If you were to listen to everything society says, you would turn into one of the Stepford Wives or a nun in a convent. Neither option sounds appealing or fun to the average person.

But again, these problems are more systematic in heterosexual relationships. There is a big difference in lesbian relationships. We’ll have sex whenever, maybe sometimes sooner than we should. The norm for us, doesn’t have a time limit, we’re more apt to have sex on the first date. Especially if we feel that “connection”. Lesbians are experts on connections aren’t we? At least we tend to think so. .

I think that if two consenting adults want to partake of sex on the first date, first hour, or first minute they can do just that. I truly don’t believe that it as taboo or that it will make the pending relationship suffer. Sex is sex, and it’s the most natural thing that two people can share. We all have that desire to be touched, and to touch. Talk about getting high? Sex will get you more high than any drug on the market without all of the ill side effects.  What’s so taboo about that?

Instead of asking if one should have sex on the first date, the better question would be “do you want a relationship?”. The answer to that question could very well mean no immediate sex.  If your intent is to build a relationship with a woman, you may want to hold out on sex. Sex will complicate the “getting to know you” process because you won’t be able to keep your hands off of one another long enough to get to know them. If you’re just out there to have fun, not necessarily looking for a relationship but not opposed to it either, go for it. Some of the most successful relationships had sex on the first date. Probably because there weren’t any expectations or rules. It was just natural, organic fun that spurred into romantic bliss. Who knows, it could open your eyes to how much you like the person afterwards or not.

Some people want to get to know a person before being intimate. Others want to see how the sex is before getting to know someone. It’s a catch. What if you wait, start to fall for someone, decide to have sex and it’s awful? Now your feelings are involved. Is bad sex the deal breaker? Or do you allow the relationship to progress in hopes that the sex will progress as well? Then again, what if the sex is great but your personalities don’t mesh?

Sex on the first date is all up to personal preference, what you intend to gain out of the coupling, and if you want something long term. Regardless of how you answer those questions, the result could be similar to tossing a coin. So why not have sex when you feel the want to have sex. You may have a great time, a bad time, or you could even find your soul mate. Hopefully you like to gamble because that’s what the dating game is all about.

By Tye Green